Thursday, April 26, 2012
This Just In
There is nothing wrong with sex. And you can't say someone is bad just because you caught them enjoying it.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Do I need to stop talking to my friend who...
... is a racist? ... hits his girlfriend? ...is cheating on her husband? drinks and drives?
People frequently say that you should stop talking to people who are terrible people, but this admonition is predicated on some assumptions about friendship that aren't always true.
If friendship, or positive social contact, is always based on mutual liking and respect, then it would be a damning thing for one to be friends with someone who behaves terribly. Being their friend would mean that you like and respect someone who hits his girlfriend, which would make you an ass. At best.
The first and major problem with this universal social approbation is that how are people suppose to get better and move beyond their terrible ways if they aren't talked to by anyone who doesn't also think those things are OK? Are they only suppose to talk to social workers, cops, and their other abusive friends?
If you can have positive social contact with an abuser for reasons other than you like them and implicitly endorse their behavior then continuing a friendship could be something that wouldn't be reprehensible. If for example you liked the person enough to try and be a good influence on them then staying friends with them is a 100% ethically OK move. Your "friendship" with them is not predicated on an endorsement of their behavior but in fact an attempt to curtail their behavior.
There is also a bit of false essentialism hidden in there too. Someone who drinks and drives is not simply and forever, a drunk driver. They are a person who does a terrible thing, not just a terrible person. And is is lazy and perhaps even cowardly to walk away from someone at the first example of reprehensible behavior.
People frequently say that you should stop talking to people who are terrible people, but this admonition is predicated on some assumptions about friendship that aren't always true.
If friendship, or positive social contact, is always based on mutual liking and respect, then it would be a damning thing for one to be friends with someone who behaves terribly. Being their friend would mean that you like and respect someone who hits his girlfriend, which would make you an ass. At best.
The first and major problem with this universal social approbation is that how are people suppose to get better and move beyond their terrible ways if they aren't talked to by anyone who doesn't also think those things are OK? Are they only suppose to talk to social workers, cops, and their other abusive friends?
If you can have positive social contact with an abuser for reasons other than you like them and implicitly endorse their behavior then continuing a friendship could be something that wouldn't be reprehensible. If for example you liked the person enough to try and be a good influence on them then staying friends with them is a 100% ethically OK move. Your "friendship" with them is not predicated on an endorsement of their behavior but in fact an attempt to curtail their behavior.
There is also a bit of false essentialism hidden in there too. Someone who drinks and drives is not simply and forever, a drunk driver. They are a person who does a terrible thing, not just a terrible person. And is is lazy and perhaps even cowardly to walk away from someone at the first example of reprehensible behavior.
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